What happened?

Perhaps to some people out there, I'm just this insensitive, self-centered bitch who only cares about herself and doesn't spare a single thought for others.

I ought to fight for what i deserve, for what i deem shall make my life better.

We were so happy back then, what happened?

Along the way we get caught up with commitments, I got selfish, I had always wanted things go my way. But nothing, nothing at all went my way. Yeap, someone is only trying to follow what i suggested but it all backfired. Not sure if not enough effort was put in, or things were just not meant to be.

To majority, I'm the one who's seen as a bully to him. To majority, I'm the one who isn't treating him right. To majority, I'm the one who's always mean and selfish with my words.

But to majority, they didn't know what i went through. To majority, they didn't know what i had done for him. To majority, they didn't know the effort i put in to help him upskill himself.

If i was impatient, too too impatient, I would have did what i did now long time back. Why would i bother waiting until after the engagement only to start having close guy friends to confide in? There's a reason why i became this way, there's a reason why i stopped believing in something positive to arise or to expect that small shimmer of light at the end of the tunnel.

I gave chances after chances for you to make your own life better, for you to prove yourself hardworking enough and to prove yourself as someone who could be responsible enough for me to rely on. On the other hand, you expected me to change but you didn't stress on what i should rectify of myself.

True, I have an uncontrollable temper and I say words that could slice you mentally, but even when i mellowed down, the change in you isn't noticeable. That's when i started to be unfaithful. But I didn't cheat, I merely got close to a guy friend, nothing more than that.

I would be lying if i were to say you mean nothing to me, because once upon a time in my life, you were everything i ever wanted despite your flaws. I believed time will change things and make our lives better, but all i ever wonder now is if time will change things but brings nothing but misery to the both of us.

I just hope and pray that someday you'll realize my intentions meant good and you'll try your utmost best to change, work hard and be the man you'll want to be to provide for the people whom matter to you most.

I'm sorry i'm not good enough. Because if i were, you'd realize and change for the better right at the first few stops where i fell.