Okay yes I admit that I'm the biggest procrastinator and probably the laziest at planning for things but seriously when there's other people involved I would go into a bitch fit when things gets SO UNCERTAIN and still unplanned and the dates gets nearer.
So much of a bitch fit ... omg I can't imagine how my bitch fits can get when I'm actually planning for my own big day lol
I'm generally quite a selfish person. But there's this thing about me that just keeps on giving in and giving in and giving in. I wonder who i got this trait from TBH. I guess it's just me because I'm the only child since 1998?
I rather get things done ASAP rather than dilly dally and then panic for no apparent reason. But now it has gotten to a point whereby "oh, if have, have lah. don't have, source other options loh". It pisses me off how life just constantly bites us in the ass. As for me and F, our bikes decided to throw in the towel and get problematic 1 week apart from each other. Just like that, our financial planning has gone haywire.
I'm kinda seriously having doubts on going Bali, but neither do i want to spend my annual leave just staying home. but i guess better bali than KL. double confirmed with F if he still insists on going Bali because I'm worried about him eating grass for the rest of the month if we still decide to go ahead with the plan. Another reason why we should have booked everything in advance or when there's promos going on.
Bali's probably going to be one and the only trip for 2015 before we start on serious savings, scrimp n save scrimp n save for everything and anything that we can save on. *sulks*
i hate the feeling of feeling so excited for something but i just need to keep it to myself because there will be people who constantly have something to say against me and who just can't stop judging other people. okay i know your life is so perfect i can't.
or maybe you're just jealous.
Saturday, January 31, 2015
Tuesday, January 13, 2015
trust.
sometimes i wonder what else i should do in order to get the trust i needed. sometimes i wonder what did i do in the past to deserve this kind of treatment. i don't see how going home late is a sign of immaturity. i don't see how praying 5 times a day and putting on the hijab automatically makes one a righteous or pious person.
i will change, but i won't show.
i don't see a point in proving to people i've changed by telling or showing them that i'm praying, or telling the whole godamn world how deep is my knowledge of Islam. Call me naive, call me shallow, I have my own ways. And yes, i know that some of you will say that I have, no, I NEED to change now before it's too late.
One thing for sure, I don't see how fulfilling my obligations as a Muslim will have THEM trust me. You see, not everyone who PRAYS can be trusted. I just don't understand how screwed THEIR minds have become. It's frustrating, too frustrating to be thinking about it, but yet I can't help myself or stop myself from thinking about it because it is THIS issue that suffocates me each and every single friggin' time.
Pardon me for looking back at the past but just take THE EX FIANCE for an example. Prays, preaches, but LOOK AT HIS GODAMN SELF. Can he be trusted? Is he even RELIABLE? Is he RESPONSIBLE? Is he HONEST? Is he HARDWORKING? No fucking bloody fucking NO.
It's because of people like him, I used to start losing it. I lost faith. Especially back on 17 November 2013, ahh yes my birthday (such an irony) when someone proudly proclaim, "I don't go for material or wealth, I think of the afterlife (akhirat)"..
*KRIIICKKK ... KRIIICKKK* dalam hati aku EYY ISAPBUAH SIAL!!!
But because I know God exist, religion exist, i held myself back. I may not be a good practicing Muslim, but i believe that I'll somehow find my own path one day. And now that I have Fairuz, we'll both work on this together, for the best of ourselves and the family that we'll build together.
Change need not be drastic, it can be gradual. What matters is you give yourself, you give others a chance to prove that they can change. What matters is that you provide the space for others to grow with the change, you give others the motivation they need because it's hard to go through change alone.
Like the Malay saying goes,
"tak susah jadi jahat, tak senang nak jadi baik." basically, it's EASY to dwindle into the wrong path but its very hard for you to change into a better person. Always remember every Saint has a past and that every sinner has a future.
Hopefully I still can salvage every ounce of patience left in me to endure whatever that I'm going through.
i will change, but i won't show.
i don't see a point in proving to people i've changed by telling or showing them that i'm praying, or telling the whole godamn world how deep is my knowledge of Islam. Call me naive, call me shallow, I have my own ways. And yes, i know that some of you will say that I have, no, I NEED to change now before it's too late.
One thing for sure, I don't see how fulfilling my obligations as a Muslim will have THEM trust me. You see, not everyone who PRAYS can be trusted. I just don't understand how screwed THEIR minds have become. It's frustrating, too frustrating to be thinking about it, but yet I can't help myself or stop myself from thinking about it because it is THIS issue that suffocates me each and every single friggin' time.
Pardon me for looking back at the past but just take THE EX FIANCE for an example. Prays, preaches, but LOOK AT HIS GODAMN SELF. Can he be trusted? Is he even RELIABLE? Is he RESPONSIBLE? Is he HONEST? Is he HARDWORKING? No fucking bloody fucking NO.
It's because of people like him, I used to start losing it. I lost faith. Especially back on 17 November 2013, ahh yes my birthday (such an irony) when someone proudly proclaim, "I don't go for material or wealth, I think of the afterlife (akhirat)"..
*KRIIICKKK ... KRIIICKKK* dalam hati aku EYY ISAPBUAH SIAL!!!
But because I know God exist, religion exist, i held myself back. I may not be a good practicing Muslim, but i believe that I'll somehow find my own path one day. And now that I have Fairuz, we'll both work on this together, for the best of ourselves and the family that we'll build together.
Change need not be drastic, it can be gradual. What matters is you give yourself, you give others a chance to prove that they can change. What matters is that you provide the space for others to grow with the change, you give others the motivation they need because it's hard to go through change alone.
Like the Malay saying goes,
"tak susah jadi jahat, tak senang nak jadi baik." basically, it's EASY to dwindle into the wrong path but its very hard for you to change into a better person. Always remember every Saint has a past and that every sinner has a future.
Hopefully I still can salvage every ounce of patience left in me to endure whatever that I'm going through.
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