Nenek ... )':

True enough, i still couldn't stomach the fact that my grandmother has passed away.

Nenek,
how are you doing in the other life?
I hope the angels are treating you good.
I hope you're free from the clutches of hell.

Nenek,
you look beautiful when you left us.
When the ustazah put on the eyeliner on you,
I couldn't describe the Nur on your face.

Nenek,
Alhamdulillah, you allowed us to cleanse you for the last time.
Alhamdulillah, Allah has made it easy for us to cleanse you.
Alhamdulillah, Allah has made your limbs soft so that we, your grandchildren, bibik, and your youngest daughter, could easily cleanse you.

Nenek,
I wonder if it was your good deeds that allowed us to perform our obligations easily.
I wonder if it was you being a good and obedient wife that made your passing an easy one.

Nenek,
we apologize for being so daif.
we apologize that whilst waiting for you to be cleansed, we unknowingly exposed your aurah.

Nenek,
I hope that in that few hours of our negligence, we hadn't tortured you or caused you much pain.

Nenek,
I miss you.
I do.
I miss your laughter.
I miss your smile.

No words could describe how i felt when i was there, assisting in the cleansing of the body.
I felt like crying, but I doubt Nenek will want to see me cry.

I still sit and ponder upon the last few moments i had with you.
I still try to visualise your face when i was at your bedside.
You may not remember who I am at that point of time, but it's okay.

Nenek,
you'll always be remembered.
For all the smiles that you carve on your face when we're all around you.
For all the smiles you put on for the camera.
I've never seen such a cheerful grandmother in my life.

I miss you Nenek. I do.
I truly regret not spending time with you.
But all the regrets in the world can never bring you back to life. You're seven feet under now.

I'll visit you soon, Nenek.
Once I've gained back my courage to face that you're gone.
Because right now, I'm at the most vulnerable, and silence and loneliness scares me.