Quote from Syida

 Because my English is quite horrible (the only feat i can accomplish is to spell well), i'll just CTRL+C & CTRL+V whatever Syida, my colleague posted. Really what's on my mind right now. Oh, and it's too late to be sorry about.

Had this relieving conversation with a colleague about... life basically. I finally let out what I've been feeling this month, and I think I shocked myself that I actually was able to share some truths. Which also made me realised that it's scary that I lost the ability to open up with the people that matters most. And truth be told, I'm quite sure this fear will eventually be pointless.. everything will be pointless.

Everyday is a roller coaster ride in and out of hell, I've turned to this bitch who apparently wants everything her way. My excuse? Simple, I really don't know how to be selfless (anymore) to that one person who thinks that it's actually okay to hurt me, that it's okay to betray me (or my trust) when all along, all I did was to put my guard down. It's too late that you realised that I didn't deserve all that because oh...!! .. it already happened.

I'm quite frustrated with myself. I've been nurturing all these disappointments and hurt into something that I got accustomed to, that I find it impossible to get rid of all of that now.

 Well of course i know what i'm doing is wrong, but have you asked yourself why i turned this way?
Why i haven't been on my best self lately?
Why i haven't paid much attention to you?
Why i don't wish to bother about what you're going through with your life?

You're my fiance, yes, but what's to a name if you can't deliver your responsibility?

I'm done. I've been hurt enough by putting my guards down, by lowering my expectations so you could slowly take your baby steps to be who you had always wanted to be. You don't deserve my best, because the best was all i ever had given, through and through.