A new start

It's been almost 3 months we've been together. I got out of my shell (cave, to be exact), slowly broke down my walls because of him. I felt kinda guilty though, that initially, he had to hear stories after stories about me and the ex, but i'm thankful that he's here for me now, to listen to me rant, and understand why i'm this way. I made it clear that i will not hesitate to leave at the slightest mistake. Initially he gave me the assurance, but then again, what use are they if not proven with actions?

But time passed, efforts after efforts, he proved to be a man of his words. True enough, that whilst our relationship is still new (probably to most people, still in our honeymoon phase), i see positive outcomes from this. I slowly found myself back on track, found back half the person i once was (even though not fully who i was, but i guess that'll suffice), and gave myself, gave both of us a chance to embark on a new journey together, accepting each other's flaws, learn and help each other be a better person.

Maturity doesn't come with age, maturity comes in the way a person thinks. One could be a 40 year old bastard but still acts like a fucking douchebag, troubling anyone and everyone that he could.

To be honest, I struggled with paranoia during the first few weeks of dating. But then there's just something about him that made me tell myself "it's okay, be patient, give him a chance." I don't know why but it's just, different. Probably the consolation is just that we have the same group of friends that i eventually got close with over time. And that my friends is now his friends too.

What excites me now is that we both have plans with each other. No, I am not that kinda "kakak-kakak kahwin" person, like who i was waaaay back then. I still shudder at the thoughts of attending weddings. It still gives me painful flashbacks, which I am still learning to let go (though i know i should already let go when i'm already with Fai).

To know that you have a partner who shares the same goals, same dreams, same mindset, without you having to even tell it to them, is already a coincidental blessing. Only God knows how my heart lights up when he told me of all his plans for his future. Yes, i have learnt to keep my mouth shut about what i really want for myself for i do not want to be seen as demanding or expecting too much. Now at least, i definitely know that i won't have to go through everything ALONE, like how i had to for the past 4 years.

Can't express how thankful i am to have you in my life right now. To be accepted by each other's family, is also another blessing. Looking forward to the weeks, months, years ahead with you.

A new chapter begins,

and hopefully,

it'll never end.

xoxo