Still searching for a happy ever after

Few more hours till the end of my last night shift. And I'm right here thinking, what do i do now, where do i go from here?

Still suffocating at this age. An age whereby most have already attain freedom of some sort. But not me. 21st december, and all i see are happy couples getting engaged or married. Don't get me wrong, it's not like I'm unhappy with my current relationship. In fact, I am elated to find someone like Fairuz, who understands my needs, especially when i am still much affected and still holding grudges to the past.

Most times I wish I could break free, free from the chains that bind me, that pulls me down. Constantly being compared to other people, when in fact I know that they aren't all that perfect either. Still wondering what else I can do to prove that I am matured enough to be trusted.

All i can say is, I'm just sick and tired of everything that's happening. But all i can do is just put on a smile and walk my own journey, even though the route has been fenced up and I have no other options but to stick to the journey planned by others.

A new start

It's been almost 3 months we've been together. I got out of my shell (cave, to be exact), slowly broke down my walls because of him. I felt kinda guilty though, that initially, he had to hear stories after stories about me and the ex, but i'm thankful that he's here for me now, to listen to me rant, and understand why i'm this way. I made it clear that i will not hesitate to leave at the slightest mistake. Initially he gave me the assurance, but then again, what use are they if not proven with actions?

But time passed, efforts after efforts, he proved to be a man of his words. True enough, that whilst our relationship is still new (probably to most people, still in our honeymoon phase), i see positive outcomes from this. I slowly found myself back on track, found back half the person i once was (even though not fully who i was, but i guess that'll suffice), and gave myself, gave both of us a chance to embark on a new journey together, accepting each other's flaws, learn and help each other be a better person.

Maturity doesn't come with age, maturity comes in the way a person thinks. One could be a 40 year old bastard but still acts like a fucking douchebag, troubling anyone and everyone that he could.

To be honest, I struggled with paranoia during the first few weeks of dating. But then there's just something about him that made me tell myself "it's okay, be patient, give him a chance." I don't know why but it's just, different. Probably the consolation is just that we have the same group of friends that i eventually got close with over time. And that my friends is now his friends too.

What excites me now is that we both have plans with each other. No, I am not that kinda "kakak-kakak kahwin" person, like who i was waaaay back then. I still shudder at the thoughts of attending weddings. It still gives me painful flashbacks, which I am still learning to let go (though i know i should already let go when i'm already with Fai).

To know that you have a partner who shares the same goals, same dreams, same mindset, without you having to even tell it to them, is already a coincidental blessing. Only God knows how my heart lights up when he told me of all his plans for his future. Yes, i have learnt to keep my mouth shut about what i really want for myself for i do not want to be seen as demanding or expecting too much. Now at least, i definitely know that i won't have to go through everything ALONE, like how i had to for the past 4 years.

Can't express how thankful i am to have you in my life right now. To be accepted by each other's family, is also another blessing. Looking forward to the weeks, months, years ahead with you.

A new chapter begins,

and hopefully,

it'll never end.

xoxo 

SJ4000 wifi video upload

Went for a short night ride with the boyfriend and his group of bike friends the other day, thought i'll just bring my SJ4000 to record the ride. Initially thought it's gonna be fun due to the turnout but because we started the ride late (janji melayu katekan), several of the riders left even before the actual ride started.

Rode my own bike and asked boyfriend to adjust the camera for me. I kinda struggle with adjusting the position of the camera though. At times the camera is just facing downwards or upwards and in the end the videos i captured during my rides are crap! Kinda like how the video turns out even though it is at night. Watch the video in HD, otherwise you'd think SJ4000 gives crapshit quality videos.

Well, not trying to spoil market for the GoPro hero owners but I shall say that SJ4000 is a much better buy and wallet friendly. Why would you need a GoPro (and spend so much on it) just for taking selfies anyway? *sighs* SINGAPOREANS. lolx~

I guess that's about it for SJ4000 for now. toodles!