Beginning of the end.
After 45 months of temporary happiness, then the subsequent hardships, struggles and disappointments, I finally picked up the courage to call it quits.
I have never expected things to end this way. I had always hoped for a fairytale ending. Well, it remains just as that: happily ever afters only exists in fairytales, stories that we hear of when we were young, like Cinderella finally married her prince after being subjected to abuse by her stepsisters.
Probably just in time before 2014 starts, to keep the past buried and to look forward to a brand new beginning, to a brand new start of a new future, for myself, for my family. Nothing else matters than having my loved ones by my side, supporting my decision and praying for what's best for myself.
I have friends who made me realized what I have achieved so far, for myself. At 24, I have a stable career, I settle my own debts, I am supporting my parents, upgraded from a small cc bike to a big one, and that for whatever I had, I definitely deserved much better treatment. Probably a feat that may be far from achievable for someone who i shall not name, for it wasn't worth any mentioning at all. Whatever that I have achieved or done other than what's listed here, it's just not for public's eyes. Friends come to me asking: "How do you garner all the patience to tolerate what has been done to you?"
The answer was simple. I remained positive. I had remained optimistic for sooo long even through all the disappointments, hurt, lies, that somehow things will change for the better. But the term "changing for the better" itself has become so cliche, at least in my dictionary.
Nothing hurts more than being kept in the dark for sooo long, and then you see the truth unfold, one by one. Maybe one day, he shall meet someone who has the exact traits as him, in the form of his girlfriend. Then he'll know how it feels like to deal with a compulsive liar, to deal with someone who prefers to think not further than the day after, to deal with someone waiting for miracles to happen without any effort made.
The only thing i learnt from this time wasting ordeal was patience and to keep my mouth shut.
I don't see a point in putting the blame for the type of friends I have. Sure enough, the friends I have now clubs, drinks, probably seen as social thrash at first glance. But think. What is he compared to the friends I have? I can rebutt your point by claiming that at least they deserved their enjoyment because they worked hard for it. I am not the least influenced by them because at one point of time, I was exactly just like them, I mellowed down because I started to become a workaholic and spent lesser time with the people I refer to as "my mates".
Enough is enough. I'm raising the white flag now because nothing seems to change even though someone claims to be trying hard to be that better person. Actions speak louder than words. Do you have a split personality or something? I wonder.
It's okay. I've wasted close to 4 years of my life for something (I meant, someone) that's not worth my efforts. I'm not going to waste more days, months or years living my life in constant misery, putting myself through more insecurity thinking if I had it all covered in case something goes awry in a few years time, because someone has his vision restricted to the day after and nothing more.
About 1.5 hours to end of shift.
6 days till 2014.
Looking forward to a new beginning.
Go out, socialize, make new friends. But I'm afraid, afraid that the people I meet after this, are just as cunning, deceiving and deceitful bunch of a motherfucking scumbag.
Hello there,
ReplyDeleteI stumbled upon your blog when googling for EMB reviews. funny. Decided to continue reading anyway and i feel like walking down the memory lane when reading about your love life. While you document your experiences rather briefly, they certainly highlighted what I had gone through. I found myself holding my breath many a times, like going through vocabulary terrains. Then I found myself breathe sighs of relief. Let me say this: You did yourself a huge favour by leaving & salvaging yourself from the ruins that could possibly happen in the future. Walking out and leaving may seem like the hardest thing to do but undoubtedly the most wisest. So hope you had given yourself a pat on your back. Embarking on the road to recovery as may seem bumpy and sometimes uncertain but uncovering the hidden potential of yourself and new experiences in many forms unimaginable will put you on a pedestal and makes you not regret the decision ever. Because positive people attract like minded positive people, always have a positive perspective at the first glance :) it's okay to feel bruised at times when pangs of memories hits unexpectedly but those memory bruises are just temporal like crossing over a transition. You're meant to move forward. A day forward is a day closer to future achievements and a day further from the past.
I paid my dues after crying myself out. I denounce naysayers who called me weak when i cried because it's important to allow my heart and soul to grief and feel whats it's entitled to feel. suppressing such feelings may lead to internal backlash which is best to avoid at all cost. so as my life got better, i discovered something about my former partner. he paved his way to up by marrying an older, divorced single mother who has a house in her name and is happily laughing at his good fortunes. and of course, she earns more than him. Good for them both. I just cannot fathom what will happen to me if i had stayed on with a man like him. I feel blessed, relieved and protected that I'm far away from the man i can no longer identify.
Another thing to share, people who hurt us, fate usually comes back in full circle. so don't worry about them. Focus more on our internal well being so as not to let our circle comes back as a whole. Sometimes we may unintentionally hurt others without us knowing.
This has been the most lengthiest post I ever written as a stranger. Thank you for allowing me space to pen my thoughts down. I have soft spots for babes like you, not only do you reflect or mirror myself, but there is a warrior waiting at the hinge, ready to spring in action. And serve a reminder that we can pick ourselves up to face the series of test/ training (my preferred term) this life subjects us to and still find peace and happiness along the way. So here's a toast to you, may you remain steadfast and unwavering riding through path of life.