Sole Breadwinner

I've been hearing "i'm retiring" from my father, years after years since 2004, back then when he was 55. But it's only 9 years later that the phrase became reality.

So as of July 2013, my father has officially retired from Shell Eastern Petroleum Pte Ltd. That leaves me as the sole breadwinner of the household. Whilst it may sound bad, only those within the Shell circa will know what exactly has been in store for my father waaaaay before he retrenched. My father had made sure that we all have enough to feed on after he retires, so that we can still live comfortably like before.

But being me, i couldn't even bear to let my parents live off their retirement and investment savings. I'm the only child, which only makes me wonder how will I have enough to put food on the table, to feed my own mouth, to pay the utilities bills, to save up for my upcoming marriage and house. I know it may be the silliest thing ever to purchase a Class 2 bike for $10k, but that's what i've been wanting for quite some time.

A deep part of me tells me that I can manage, but another part of me asks, "how?".

Precisely, how?

Other than the months of January, February/March, July and December, I'm mostly relying on my overtime to get by and get extra income to spend. In a way I am thankful that I've been converted to a permanent staff back in 2011, so that allows me some buffer time for me to build up my savings. But then again I doubt i would want to stay at Shell for the longest time, unless certain people take a long good look at the mirror before pointing out others mistakes, and the infinity number of medical leaves that some people are entitled to.

It really fucks me up because it's like we are expected to give our 200% best when we're in our PPEs, can you imagine like that for 12 hours straight? It's taking a toll on my back, seriously. And it really irks me that some superior (that I shan't quote whether that person is a boss or just some senior), expects us to stay home on our friggin off day just to REST. like what? WE DON'T HAVE A LIFE?

come on! the way some people put it, it's like as though we should and MUST be deprived of a social life outside of Jurong Island. where i come from, work-life balance is seriously a hard thing to come by unless you're just friggin lucky to have 4 days straight of off. But i shan't complain because at least i don't have to work 8 hours shifts for 5 days each cycle, like my father does. I wonder how he can endure working such shift cycles for almost the past 40 years.

Even though my father works at Shell, our family don't own a car. my father doesn't even own a driving license. me? i think i'll make a fucked up female driver lulz~ he's been taking the public transport from Tampines to Pasir Panjang Ferry Terminal. Oh .. My .. GOD i doubt i can ever endure such a long arduous journey on public. I ever wondered how it's going to be like if I did get accepted at Bukom, but unfortunately (and fortunately) my application was rejected because at that point of time they were looking for male analysts.

It's amazing how back then, an O level (senior cambridge cert back then) holder can hold a technician job, then gradually move up the jobscale. Nowadays, an O level cert won't bring you anywhere. Such meritocracy isn't doing much justice, in my opinion. One can be equipped with all the knowledge but without skills or the willingness to learn, one is practically nothing.

I'm really good at sidetracking, i shall say. but anyway, i'm really afraid of the months to come. how i'll manage, how i'll handle my paycheck, will it be enough for us, or will i just be living from paycheck to paycheck and be totally dry approaching payday.

Sometimes i wished i earn big bucks like my father. My gross monthly pay is 1/4 of his! that explains why the 3 of us can live comfortably i guess. but big salary = big responsibility. ask me to be the assistant shift controller, and i will turn down the offer flat!

I.. don't know. guess i'll have to start living each day, one day at a time. hopefully my online business will take off. *prays hard*