Unpredictable

There are just some things in lide that's hard to predict. When you expect something to happen that will benefit you, but instead it only brings you to to further misery.

They say, time will heal all wounds. I am optimistic about that, but somehow i'm afraid that time will only make the wound deteriorate. It's like getting a laceration worsen over time. And the pain? It gets harder and harder to bear.

I don't even know who i am right now.
Or what i really want.
I really just dont.

And at 24, this is the least i expect to have come from myself. Who i was hates who i am right now. Sooo much that i have become an enemy of my past.

I'm sorry.

Sole Breadwinner

I've been hearing "i'm retiring" from my father, years after years since 2004, back then when he was 55. But it's only 9 years later that the phrase became reality.

So as of July 2013, my father has officially retired from Shell Eastern Petroleum Pte Ltd. That leaves me as the sole breadwinner of the household. Whilst it may sound bad, only those within the Shell circa will know what exactly has been in store for my father waaaaay before he retrenched. My father had made sure that we all have enough to feed on after he retires, so that we can still live comfortably like before.

But being me, i couldn't even bear to let my parents live off their retirement and investment savings. I'm the only child, which only makes me wonder how will I have enough to put food on the table, to feed my own mouth, to pay the utilities bills, to save up for my upcoming marriage and house. I know it may be the silliest thing ever to purchase a Class 2 bike for $10k, but that's what i've been wanting for quite some time.

A deep part of me tells me that I can manage, but another part of me asks, "how?".

Precisely, how?

Other than the months of January, February/March, July and December, I'm mostly relying on my overtime to get by and get extra income to spend. In a way I am thankful that I've been converted to a permanent staff back in 2011, so that allows me some buffer time for me to build up my savings. But then again I doubt i would want to stay at Shell for the longest time, unless certain people take a long good look at the mirror before pointing out others mistakes, and the infinity number of medical leaves that some people are entitled to.

It really fucks me up because it's like we are expected to give our 200% best when we're in our PPEs, can you imagine like that for 12 hours straight? It's taking a toll on my back, seriously. And it really irks me that some superior (that I shan't quote whether that person is a boss or just some senior), expects us to stay home on our friggin off day just to REST. like what? WE DON'T HAVE A LIFE?

come on! the way some people put it, it's like as though we should and MUST be deprived of a social life outside of Jurong Island. where i come from, work-life balance is seriously a hard thing to come by unless you're just friggin lucky to have 4 days straight of off. But i shan't complain because at least i don't have to work 8 hours shifts for 5 days each cycle, like my father does. I wonder how he can endure working such shift cycles for almost the past 40 years.

Even though my father works at Shell, our family don't own a car. my father doesn't even own a driving license. me? i think i'll make a fucked up female driver lulz~ he's been taking the public transport from Tampines to Pasir Panjang Ferry Terminal. Oh .. My .. GOD i doubt i can ever endure such a long arduous journey on public. I ever wondered how it's going to be like if I did get accepted at Bukom, but unfortunately (and fortunately) my application was rejected because at that point of time they were looking for male analysts.

It's amazing how back then, an O level (senior cambridge cert back then) holder can hold a technician job, then gradually move up the jobscale. Nowadays, an O level cert won't bring you anywhere. Such meritocracy isn't doing much justice, in my opinion. One can be equipped with all the knowledge but without skills or the willingness to learn, one is practically nothing.

I'm really good at sidetracking, i shall say. but anyway, i'm really afraid of the months to come. how i'll manage, how i'll handle my paycheck, will it be enough for us, or will i just be living from paycheck to paycheck and be totally dry approaching payday.

Sometimes i wished i earn big bucks like my father. My gross monthly pay is 1/4 of his! that explains why the 3 of us can live comfortably i guess. but big salary = big responsibility. ask me to be the assistant shift controller, and i will turn down the offer flat!

I.. don't know. guess i'll have to start living each day, one day at a time. hopefully my online business will take off. *prays hard*

Self-pampering Session at Healing Touch

Hello hello~

So out of a sudden, during my last night shift, i felt just sooooo lethargic. Can you imagine that at 11pm, i was already dozing off and walking around the lab like a ZOMBIE? only at 11pm oh-mai-goodness i had like another 9 hours to fight till end of shift.

Things started to get worst as i had to endure migraine and also fight my hunger pangs. not sure what's up with me, really. but i felt better after talking to Noora inside CCB though. (i hate how CCB just sounds so vulgar but that's the way it is lol)

yadda yadda. after work, routine to go sheng shiong, hopefully the last for july since Ramadhan is here.  what happened after i reached home, was the first i ever did in my 2 years of shift work: i dozed off with my work clothes on, alllll the way till 7pm.

just..wow. woke up with a temperature and a super aching body. which didn't subside even till the next day. to make things worse, it was pouring the whole of tuesday. so made an appointment with healing touch at Tampines CPF building. i just love how some of these coys have online booking because i am NOT a phone person to be honest. cancelled my pink parlour appointment because i don't wish to blow my wallet no not now i need the cash lol what a pauper

as usual, i was late. but the reception was kind enough to call me up and ask if i will take quite some time to reach.

FLAW NUMBER 1: what turned me off upon reaching was that the place was in the midst of some minor restoration works. wallpaper all over. there wasn't any mention of any restoration works or so. it wasn't even indicated in the website.

so the therapist brought me into the room. it was my first time going for a massage ALONE because all these while i've been going with my fiance. felt claustrophobic at first. changed into the disposable panties, laid on the bed.

FLAW NUMBER 2: the walls aren't really designed to go right up all the way to the ceiling. so the therapy room was kinda like a bigger version of the toilet cubicle. so you can hear footsteps and people talking. what's worse was it sounds like you're having a massage with the doors open. yes, you can really hear people whispering and the sounds of footsteps were very clear.

the masseuse initially covered my body with the towel and started to knead my back. oh, she asked me which part of my body do i want to focus. her english wasn't so clear so i had to make her repeat several times. i thought, oh no, is this going to be an oil-less massage??? nooo~!!! but i was wrong, after kneading my body the masseuse used her oil, smells like lemongrass mmm how soothing. then she started working on my shoulders first, gah~ i hate that part because it hurts!

i forgot to mention, i opted for the ASIAN FUSION MASSAGE..

i like how pressure was used but it doesn't cause any sharp pain to my body. unlike the time when i went for a massage at Jean Yip Loft, i think the masseuse there used her elbows throughout the massage, i had to endure 1 week of body aches! most people say that it's normal to have body aches after a massage but that was just too much~

my favourite part of the massage? when she used her forearms, applied pressure on my lower back and bum and massage that area. i have always been getting lower back pain on and off ever since starting full time work, and that was the most shioook ah feeling ever. maybe i shall teach fiance to massage me in that way when i'm having my backache hehe

after which, the massage session ended with a head massage. how...nice...

ended my session with a cup of warm ginger tea, made payment and left.

didn't manage to check out the toilets/showering area because of the mess that the area was in due to the restoration works.

HINT HINT: noticed how i had my drink, made payment then left? there's something missing right? YEAH HEALING TOUCH DOESN'T DO ANY HARD SELLING!!! they do have a package prices on their coffee table and reception but they do not specifically make their staff do hard selling! which i totally love! unlike at jean yip loft and beyond beauty, they make sure they hard sell you and when you insist on saying NO, their faces just changed and their after services sucks from that point on. like hello? it's not like i am purchasing cheap ala carte services from you ok?

So what have i got to say after my first massage session with healing touch?

The good:
1- online booking is prompt. gives you a confirmation right away.
2- no hard selling
3- friendly staff

The bad:
1- doesn't really provide a serene and quiet massage environment (but maybe it's just at tampines branch? i shall try going other branches in the near future)
2- they were having minor works, which wasn't made clear to me. thankfully i didn't have my sinus attack

Will i go there again?
Definitely yes. Already thinking of going for a facial there but i had to ensure that the outlet is fully operational without any works being done to the walls.

for more information on the services healing touch provides, you can visit their website at http://www.healingtouch.com.sg/

[i am not affiliated with healing touch nor paid to do a review. just my two cents of opinion yo~]

so.. i'm done.

to all muslims, have a blessed Ramadhan ahead of you.

Skinhead times

WHAT.. THE .. FUCK

i tell you i am missing all my friends right here right now. sooo fucking much that i kinda regret going MIA eversince breaking up with that LOSER. i logged into my photobucket, desperately digging out old photos of me in my skinhead gear, with my skinhead mates, people who i got drunk with, got crazy with, who went through ups and downs with me.

gah~

yesterday fiance asked me a really random question. he asked if i ever had a crush on fifi before. he even claimed fifi told him. ok now i'm having flashbacks. i know i had this crush on him even wayy before i knew fifi, because we somehow always bumped into each other on the MRT on our way to school. i didn't know he's a skinhead initially. that's all i can remember of him though. i'm still wondering how me and fifi got to know each other formally and became close. was it through friendster? MSN?

well those were the days.



this is a picture of me and him on his 19th birthday. waaaay before he got into an accident and had partial memory loss. *sigh* 4 more days and fifi is turning 24. how time flies. (:

 
and this is Mr Teo! my favourite maths teacher in secondary school. hehehe

well, i miss my youth.

without what i did when i was a teenager, i doubt i would ever want to be a better person today.