trust.

Sometimes, some things are just never meant to be said, never meant to be made known. But sometimes, there are instances when we wished we said what we thought we shouldn't say. And the cycle goes on. We live with regrets anyway. Regret for things that we do, and regret for things that we never did try. Humans are never contented with what they have anyway.

I have trust issues. MAJOR trust issues. Even with the people who I've been with day in and day out. I get insecure, and being insecure makes me lose hope, makes me drown in utter disappointment. There wasn't any expectations to begin with, but there are just things that i do along the way that made the truth be known to me. And that, I hate the most.

I hate how some people just find it sooo difficult to be just outright frank with stuffs, that they had to hide simple things like that to me. Hello, my instincts always prove me right, every single mother-puking time. It's like i'm slogging off for nothing to ever come out right after all the efforts. And it sucks. It truly sucks.

It's like you know you've gone so far, but certain things just push you right back to square one.

But people will never understand. People will never know what and how you want things to be.

But even after all these turbulences, all these roller coaster rides, despite some disappointments along the way, I'm still happy with what I've achieved. I don't even care what people say, what people think. They may say that I may brag about a meagre achievement, a feat that's easily achieved by big shots elsewhere. But look at them! Are they even close to where I am, to be calling me an empty vessel? Oh bitch please. Arrogant? I don't go around telling people off "eh, you're so stupid you don't have a diploma yadda2"

I respect other's education, I respect how others live their lives. But if you can't even respect mine, then why should you deserve an ounce of respect from me? You aren't even close to where I am and yet, you're saying all those nonsense. Why? Just to piss me off? Just to tell me that I wasted my parent's money on a fucking Diploma from a LOCAL POLYTECHNIC, whereas some godamn fella who's much more successful than me aren't even highly qualified? Huns, that's her call if she wants to brag it or what. I don't even know her in the first place, so why should i bother? If she's some high flying role model that i should idolize then I'd long done that. She must've been quite a small fry since i know nothing about her.

So anyway, since we are from wayyy different worlds, i don't think i'd fancy what she's successful at. Like I said, I'm happy where I am now. Just going to wait out few more years, build up a steady flow of savings, then start looking for a day job. But that would be after I have my own family. That'll be enough to complete me.

Who says you can't be happy even though you have major trust issues? the main problem is that, some people just don't trust their ownselves enough for them to be able to trust others. To love, you need to trust. But to trust, it doesn't mean that you need to love. It's a different perspective altogether. That, will have to wait another day.

Time for some short shuteye time. 4 off days coming up in 2 hours time (=