It's been awhile ...
It's very seldom that I spoke to someone about matters of the heart, even though I openly share it on Facebook certain times, but just to talk to someone who has been through almost the same situation as you, and who really understands your feelings, it managed to relief myself, just a little.
Nope, I neither openly air dirty laundry or share problems of my CURRENT relationship with other people, FYI. Which relationship doesn't have problems? I can say that the problems we have is nothing major, and i choose to keep it to myself most times. It's hard, but sometimes you just have to.
I'm posting on behalf of the many people who I know, who have been going through the same shit as I do, and is trying hard to rid of any negativity that clouds our mind, our hearts, which eventually affects our relationship. It's not in response to any particular post on Facebook, nor of my fiancé's, in case you decide to just jump to conclusion and assume things which aren't true.
The problem with some guys is that they just refuse to appreciate what they have, especially when they have a partner who is supportive, patient and faithful to them. Irregardless of what we women give them, they either chose to lie, cheat, treat us like ATMs, worst, abuse us. Then there are stupid women like us who are hopeful that their "man" will change over time, because we BELIEVE that change isn't a miracle and it doesn't occur overnight!
Being hopeful of the change (that eventually never comes lol!), requires patience, LOTS N LOTS of patience, we have to remain optimistic (because being negative of all the abuse we got won't change a thing, so we have to suck it up and be the stronger woman and take each day a stride each time), and when you hope, naturally you will be disappointed after some time.
Yes, one question might linger in your mind, "if his treatment is that bad to you, why don't you just fking leave?!"Again I say, we hope that he'll change. There is probably something that we see in that asshole that made us stay, that made us positive. Because we believe that if we can't endure the worst of someone, then we wouldn't deserve the best of him. Because we gave them chances after chances but the asshole just blew it away time after time. And it's only a matter of time before we decide that enough is enough.
And sometimes, when we decide to finally LEAVE, the asshole will cry crocodile tears and promised to change, yadda yadda yadda. Remember when I was engaged with the asshole and found out that he wasn't working for SEVERAL MONTHS? KEYWORD: I FKING FOUND OUT. I called it quits and gave him an ultimatum: Get a fking job by May or get the fuck out of my life. Unfortunately (for me) the asshole managed to find a job (no thanks to me!) and then i was stuck with the asshole and had to endure few more months before I really had to call it quits, goodbye, sayonara, get the fuck out of my life already thanks for wasting my time you lazy ungrateful lying robbing fat motherfucker. Yes I am still that angry with that asshole.
What do you expect, CROCODILE TEARS! The change WILL happen but it's only temporary. When these assholes are already complacent, and when these women are just trying to be happy that the change really happened, these assholes well, decide to revert to the monster that they are. How can we not be disappointed?
And when we finally call it quits, it's not without a price. We leave with a huge scar, our memories tainted with fear, paranoia, hate. We tried to get back into the dating game, but everything just isn't enough. Everything just seems to annoy us. We fear all men to be the same, we fear of having to meet another person who's the exact replica of the past. Having to get to know someone new, without knowing what sort of a person he is. We do not know the real person he is even though we know his friends, we are unaware of the things this new person is capable of.
We leave the previous asshole and we built ourselves a thick wall of protection to shield our hearts from being hurt again. No matter how hard someone tries to break them down, we pile on more layers of bricks to shield our heart, because we just do not want to encounter the same shit again.
Is it not human to feel traumatised (especially when it involves physical abuse), the paranoia that comes after that. Wasting all these years being with the wrong person. Having hopes and subsequently having them dashed.
To the next "gentlemen" who is "unlucky" enough to get women like us as partners, unfortunately you have a large plate to fill, and a difficult one to handle. Especially when you can't really give her what she wants in an instant, you have to go through hell and back just to fulfil her wants and needs and to secure your future together, if you truly love her, you'll endure, just as how she endures being with you even though she has every rights to feel as though she chose the wrong person to be her partner.
No one, I repeat, NO ONE in the right state of mind will be willing to subject themselves to another round of physical and mental torture. There is probably a unique reason why she chose to STICK to you as your partner, and you, the man, better learn to treat her right. Obviously after the bitter experience we would be selfish, we would only bother about our own needs, our own wants, that we will fail to see the good in you, the good you have done, so much so that in the end, you would give up and say that we are ungrateful and unappreciative.
Hah. Guys and their ego. Our past have cloud our mind, the good that you do, if we do NOT see it, it's as good as you NOT DOING ANYTHING at all. Remember we have been lied to? Actions speaks louder than words. No action talk only also no use. Then you'll flare at us for raising up the "sweet talker mother fucker" flag. Probably to you men, not everything have to be shared with your partner, but for us, just sharing the progress of what you've done (or share anything with your partner) is enough to give us a sense of security. We WILL be the most insecure bitches ever. And there's nothing you can do to change that. And when we feel insecure, we tend to have thoughts of leaving. Are we to blame for that?
You know what? We are not sorry for being insecure. Is it wrong to protect our own interest at heart?
We are sorry ...
for having thoughts of leaving.
for easily giving up on you.
for not having the patience to stand whatever obstacle that comes.
for not having the endurance to persevere on.
for not being optimistic enough that some good will come.
Because we have wasted all those patience, the endurance, the optimism, on someone who clearly doesn't deserve it. Sometimes it gets too much for us and we may blurt out that we feel like leaving, but did we? No. Because we still tried to salvage whatever strength that we have left to persevere on, but because of whatever that happened to us, we just ... fall and give up too easily.
Dear men, if you're just unlucky and you've encountered several women like us in your relationship (dates not counted!), and in the end your relationship doesn't last. DON'T BLAME US. Don't blame us because it seems like nothing that you do isn't enough. Blame it on the ex-es that we got! Probably blame it for yourself too (if the problems keep recurring!!!) because you just don't seem to be the best for them. If this shit is repeating over and over for you, take my advice, BE THE BEST FOR YOURSELF, BEFORE TRYING TO BE THE BEST FOR OTHER PEOPLE. If you decide to be an asshole after all this ordeal with broken women, then you have just started the ball rolling and make more women heartless and broken.
Yes, it is frustrating, to know that you have done sooooooo much yet something somewhere just doesn't go well for your woman. But a fire won't be extinguished by fighting with fire. When your lady lay out the problems on the table, don't flip the table and go on ranting about how your efforts are not seen, or unappreciated. It will always be unfair for you. But take it in a positive stride, if you know that you are NOTHING like her previous ex, if she can love an asshole so much it changed her into a heartless selfish bitch, imagine what she can do for you once you managed to break down her walls by becoming the best person for yourself, and for her. Clearly you haven't seen the best of her now. But you will. I assure you, that you will.
She needs assurance.
She needs comfort.
She needs to see the effort.
She needs to see and feel that you can be the best for her.
She needs to reassure herself that she's not going to go through the same ordeal again.
Too much for you? You should have known better when you opened your heart to love a broken lady.
